Part 4 - The Gnomes
by GuaRRand
Summary: While shopping guarrand meets some gnomes....this means trouble with a capital G :)


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The Gnomes

Flying through the skies was such fun.  
  
The wind through your hair, your cloak flying around your ears, your hat going it's own way every few seconds.  
GOD how GuaRRand hated to fly. But since he lived about a zillion miles from the nearest K-mart, it was the only way to travel and since the most fearsome, evil, powerful creature in the known universe, his wife, had said that it was his turn to do the shopping (which it was almost every week), he could only obey and try to avoid the pigeons.  
  
He landed on the parking place, whipped the feathers from his eyes (damn pigeons) and straightened his cloak and hat.  
"_Ok, let's get this over with_" he thought to himself, which isn't difficult since he wasn't a psychic and couldn't think to somebody else.  
  
He entered the K-mart and looked at the shopping scroll his wife gave him.  
"_Cheeze, a new fridge, cookies, spam, nailpolish, 2 goats, a tube of dragon polish and some dead doornails_" he read out loud.  
"_DEADDOORNAILS_!!" he heard multiple voices shout behind him.  
GuaRRand jumped up, turned around….and fell flat on his face.  
He pulled himself up from the ground (hey, your a great powerful wizard or your not!) and looked into the faces of several gnomes.  
  
"_Gnomes at the K-mart_" GuaRRand thought.  
"_YESGNOMESATTHEKMARTYESWHATISSOWEIRDABOUTTHAT_?" said all the gnomes in Dolby digital surround sound.  
"_Wow, slow down, I can't make out what you're saying_" said GuaRRand  
The gnomes looked at eachother in confusion.  
"_WHATDOYOUMEANSLOWERAREN'TWETALKINGSLOWENUFFASITIS_?"  
_"OK, guys, one more time…please slow down, I can't understand you_" GuaRRand said with a red face.  
Again the gnomes looked at eachother.  
After a few minutes of staring at eachother they pushed one tall gnome, well, taller then the rest anyway, to the front.  
"_I…hope…you…can…understand…me…now_" said the gnome.  
"_Yes although you're speaking a bit slow_" said GuaRRand.  
The gnome hat a fit  
"_OMGYOUINSENSITIVEBcensorYOUGOTMEALLWORKEDUPNOWANDTHATSNOTAGOODTHINGI'LLLETYOUKNOWMYGODIAMABOUTTOEXPLODE……_"  
Which he did.  
  
After cleaning up the floor (they blamed him ofcourse) GuaRRand addressed the rest of the gnomes, who, seeing their colleague explode like that, started to talk normal speed.  
"_So tell me, what are you guys doing here at the K-mart_"  
"_Well, we're selling dead doornails_" said one of the gnomes.  
"_That's convenient, I need some dead doornails_" said GuaRRand  
The gnomes sold GuaRRand some dead doornails and were about to leave when one of them stopped and turned around….and turned around again, did the hokey pokey and turned himself around..again. The other gnomes applauded franticly. The dizzy gnome bowed and joined the group again.  
"_Funny guys those gnomes_" said GuaRRand.  
  
It took him the better part of the day to get the other items on his shopping scroll (damn this K-mart is big).  
"_Alright, just one more thing, the cheeze_"  
GuaRRand took the elevator to the 23rd floor, the Cheeze department.  
The Cheeze department had all kinds of cheezes.  
Smelly cheezes, even more smelly cheezes, REAL disgusting looking cheezes, round cheezes, square cheezes, straight cheezes (not next to eachother though those two don't mix to well) and loads more.  
It was cheeze haven.  
GuaRRand loved cheeze, it was all he could do not to nibble at his feet every so often.  
Which was disgusting now that he thought about it. But then again, it was kinda like sex, why buy something if you could get for free??.  
He went roaming through the cheeze department to find the cheeze he needed.  
  
"_OMGLOOKITSTHATIRRITATINGWIZARDGUYAGAIN_" came a shout from behind one of the cheezestalls.  
GuaRRand looked around and saw the same group of gnomes. They were selling cheeze.  
"_I thought u guys sold dead doornails_!?" said GuaRRand  
"_We do, but we also sell cheeze and computer games_" said the gnomes in unison.  
"_Computer games, like which_?" Asked GuaRRand  
"_Hey we can't say, it's all hush hush you know_" said the new tallest gnome.  
"_Yeah, its not like we're gonna tell you that's its a big online Multiplayer RPG that has like a zillion spells and characters in it and its called_ **'_WHACK SLAM KAZOINK'  
_**The gnome went down. The other gnomes jumped him and started to beat him, then gag him and pushed him in a corner.  
"**_WHACK SLAM KAZOINK_**???…weird name for a game" said GuaRRand  
"_Yeah, well your not a 1337 game developer now are ya_" said the tall gnome  
"_Nope, I am just a great and powerful wizard who is doing the shopping"_.  
GuaRRand bought the cheeze he needed and walked off again.  
  
**Back at the Gnome cheeze stand.  
  
**"_OMGKEVINWTFCAN'TYOUHOLDYOURBIGMOUTHFORONCE_?" said the tall gnome  
"_WELLSCREWMEHALFWAYUPTOHELLTRENTIAMSORRYOK_?" said the bruised gnome  
"_YOUANDYOURBIGMOUTHWESHOULDHANGYOUUPSIDEDOWNINAPONDFULLOFNASTYGNOMEEATINGFISH_" said a bright haired gnome.  
"_YOUCANSCREWMESTRAIGHTUPTHEASSDAVID_" yelled the bruised gnome  
"_NOWNOWBOYSDON'TGOKILLINGEACHOTHERJUSTYETWESTILLHAVETOTHINKABOUTWHATWEAREGONNADOABOUTHISWIZARDHEKNOWSTOMUCH_"   
said a dark haired gnome.  
"_WHATAREYOUSAYINGBOB_" said the tall gnome  
"_WELL…._" Started de dark haired gnome.  
  
**By this time the started to talk to fast that I couldn't understand anymore, so we'll leave them for now.  
  
**GuaRRand was already flying home with the groceries.  
Dodging the damn kamikaze pigeons as best as he could, trying to stay in the right lane (those fawking 16V turbo dragons we're whooshing by every few seconds) and balancing that awfully heavy fridge on his back wasn't an easy feat (AHA, thought I forgot about it, didn't ya :p).  
  
After 2 hours of flying at mach 1.2, which is damn fast when carrying a fridge and avoiding kamikaze pigeons, he arrived @home.  
  
"_HUNNY, I'M HOME_" he yelled  
"_NO YOUR NOOOT_" yelled a familiar voice.  
"_OMG, not again_" GuaRRand said, while looking around him.  
The door opened and out walked the midget dragon.  
"_Vertically challenged individual, @#%&^@#$&$"  
_Luckily his wife also walked out to great him, and she was the most powerful creature he knew, so if the mid… vertically challenged dragon tried anything, it would feel the wrath of his wife.  
GuaRRand grinned at that idea.

"_So, what are you doing here_" GuaRRand asked the little dragon  
"_Well, getting that tube of dragon polish, my scales are starting to look a bit pale_"  
Without saying anything else, the dragon started rummaging through the shopping bag.  
GuaRRand, not paying any more attention to the little dragon, grabbed his wife and walked inside.  
"_Hunny, I got me some fine cheeze from the store, let's go get nasty with it_" GuaRRand said with a wink.  
His wife giggled, slapped him on the chest and ran upstairs.  
After his breathing came in regular intervals again, GuaRRand grabbed the cheeze and walked upstairs.  
When he closed the door to their bedroom, he just manage to hear the little dragon yell,  
"_HEY WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THESE 2 GOATS_??"  
GuaRRand closed the door and didn't hear anything else for a loooong time.


End file.
